A Letter to the Inanimate

Because people mostly suck.

Thanks for being there. 

My speakers - for muffling out the sound of the living.

My pen - for doing what I want you to do. And for not being afraid to leave your mark

My netflix - for stealing my mind from life.

My bed - we have the perfect relationship. But she can be a little clingy..

My clothes - even though you don't have much sweg, thanks for hiding me

My shoes - you've got sweg. And you're good to my feet.

My alarm clock - even though I pound you with my fist 4 times each morning, I'm glad you're there.

My shower - for washing and refreshing me after a long day.

My tooth brush - there's no way I could go a day without you.

My car - I feel like I use you too much.. 

P.s. - the grill has been short-tempered lately..

 

Blackout

Here's Different

I ate two sugar cubes at 11:30pm. It was the beginning of something different.


I never understood what people meant when they said that closed-eye visualizations were powerful. But after about 2 hours, when I closed my eyes it was like they reopened and I fell backwards at an angle and saw a city, ferris wheels, lights, and stuff. 

I remember I ate a lot. The food wasn't falling into my stomach though. But either way, eventually the pit was filled.

 The room changed colors like a room lit at night by a night light. Shapes changed shape. 

I got in bed and couldn't sleep no matter what I tried. I couldn't seem to close my eyes. But I was very.. very.. tired.

Gravity seemed to be orbiting me. I couldn't tell which way I was facing. I soon didn't exist, but I was still thirsty.

It took forever, but was very fast.
Time was hiding.
Order had died.

There are a lot of mysteries that life will never solve. We shouldn't ask who put us here or why. But we should be focused on what we must do while we are here.

The Point to Life?

I can't find an answer to that question. Does religion have an everlasting meaning?

We are born into a bottomless existence. We "live" on a tiny speck of space called Earth, which is also just a speck as well in the galaxy, which is also just a speck in the infinite universe. All you can ever become is worthless bones on a puny little speck of dust called earth. Does anyone else think human beings are just limited and death is unfair? What's the point of "Heaven", "Hell" or "Brahman" or any other thought up consciousness? I've never really understood heaven. What's the point of living in heavenly existence if that is also meaningless? I think whatever the case, it is very repetitive and meaningless. 

Since life is such an unexplained mystery, how painful is it that we are alive? As I've spent time thinking about all of this, I have started to think that religions are just there to help people become more and more ignorant to the fact that we are all meaningless. 

But what if you hate atheism as much as you hate religion?

So if someone doesn't belong to any category, then whats the point of waking up every morning? When you get to that conclusion it seems like suicide is the best way to stop your brain, no responsibility, no depression, no aspirations, worries or anything else. Isn't that the perfect drug? 

It is all so vain. Every natural human desire. Love, Sex, Art, etc. People getting fatter, people getting leaner, hunks and jocks vs artsy fags and then usual joes. Movies, learning, working, writing this blog post, socializing... Why?

I wish my friend would've never asked that question during lunch that day. My brain has been overheating ever since. I could've kept living in ignorance. And then died.

Why do we have doctors, laws, police, prisons, why do our bodies fail, why do we have anything. Because our "anything" is almost like a pretend land which feels more like nothing.

This whole life could just be a dream or a thought.

Should I just conform to the regular? And just "live it up?" Would there be a point to doing that?

Life just seems very repetitive. Are religions there just to help cope with the fact that we die and rot? What is the purpose of living? To continue the life of our species? Why? What are we living for? 

My Way or the Highway

Ever since the day I was given a name to be called by and a body to rent, people have been trying to persuade me. Everyone believes their way is the right way and the only way.

But its time to make my own choices.

Time for me to decide what the right choice is. 

Time to become self-dependent.  

Time to be vulnerable to judgement.

I've started to forget about my family, friends, teachers, leaders, etc. and make choices for me.

I've started to make the choices that I like; the choices that satisfy me.

I know myself better than anyone else.

I've started to leave my fingerprint. It's different than yours.

And it feels good