Fatties Should Not Wear Bikinis

I was peacefully catching the sun's rays when a sea monster must've washed up onto shore. It immediately began downing alcohol. The ground shook each time it fell over. I ran all the way back to my hotel, locked the 3 locks on the door, pulled the drapes shut, and hid behind the bed. Please don't wear a bikini if you are 5 foot 6 and 220 pounds.

Do You Remember?

I remember my first kiss... up on a hill overlooking the valley. Everyone told me I was too young to kiss a girl but thats just because I was ahead of the game.

I remember the look my dog gave me when she was going to sleep for the last time. Her eyes told me it was okay, that she understood, and she was able to rest. I'm sure she's God's best bird dog.

I remember when Santa was real. I could never sleep on christmas eve. I'd sleep in the same room with all of my siblings and play board games. 

I remember my mom tickling my face with her hair every week when I'd get bored in sacrament meeting.

I remember picking all of my grandma's neighbor's flowers for my grandma. 

I remember seeing the sun set at 12:30am and coming back up at 3:30am. 

I remember the first time I shaved. I asked my dad how to shave and what to do. He said, "you put the razor to your face and cut the hairs." I guess I did alright.

I remember when the girl crawled under our table in first grade and kissed TJ's leg.

I remember walking home from school every day. My brother was always my best friend. I remember my mom sobbing when he told her he wasn't going on a mission.

Lonely Chairs

This chair isn't the saddest chair I have ever seen, but I can remember the saddest chair perfectly.

The school felt no different after a good long Christmas break. Until I went to physics.

I sat down and glanced over to my left a couple rows of seats and noticed the empty desk. I stared at the empty seat. Every other desk was happy to have their student aboard but the empty desk seemed to be forgotten. The chair looked so empty and lonely.  I imagined how it would've been if the desk was filled. I wanted the seat to be filled. I missed how it was before the break.

I looked back to the front of the room trying not to think about it. The teacher began the class by making a new seating arrangement. The desk was filled, the student forgotten, and school went on just as it had before the break.

But I will never forget that empty chair.

More Blackout

How to Hide a Hickie

For Guys:
First of all congrats! I don't know why you'd want to cover it up anyways? I'd be showing it off? Unless she's a fatty. I've heard that icing it then putting heat to it and massaging it will make the blood dissipate out of it faster but who knows if that works? Maybe try breaking into your mom's or sister's make up center and do a terrible patchy touch up job that will probably draw more attention anyways.. I'd say your best bet is to walk around and when people look at you weird, just smile and say that she was hot.

For Girls:
This is easier for you gals. Wear a scarf. But if its the middle of July and 100 degrees outside, you could try covering it up with makeup instead. Or maybe try the icing then heat then massaging that I mentioned above but who knows if that will work anyways? Last resort and probably the worst idea - say that you burned yourself with your curling iron? I don't know the best option. All I know is you need to make sure to not let your dad see the damage.