Fatties Should Not Wear Bikinis

I was peacefully catching the sun's rays when a sea monster must've washed up onto shore. It immediately began downing alcohol. The ground shook each time it fell over. I ran all the way back to my hotel, locked the 3 locks on the door, pulled the drapes shut, and hid behind the bed. Please don't wear a bikini if you are 5 foot 6 and 220 pounds.

Do You Remember?

I remember my first kiss... up on a hill overlooking the valley. Everyone told me I was too young to kiss a girl but thats just because I was ahead of the game.

I remember the look my dog gave me when she was going to sleep for the last time. Her eyes told me it was okay, that she understood, and she was able to rest. I'm sure she's God's best bird dog.

I remember when Santa was real. I could never sleep on christmas eve. I'd sleep in the same room with all of my siblings and play board games. 

I remember my mom tickling my face with her hair every week when I'd get bored in sacrament meeting.

I remember picking all of my grandma's neighbor's flowers for my grandma. 

I remember seeing the sun set at 12:30am and coming back up at 3:30am. 

I remember the first time I shaved. I asked my dad how to shave and what to do. He said, "you put the razor to your face and cut the hairs." I guess I did alright.

I remember when the girl crawled under our table in first grade and kissed TJ's leg.

I remember walking home from school every day. My brother was always my best friend. I remember my mom sobbing when he told her he wasn't going on a mission.

Lonely Chairs

This chair isn't the saddest chair I have ever seen, but I can remember the saddest chair perfectly.

The school felt no different after a good long Christmas break. Until I went to physics.

I sat down and glanced over to my left a couple rows of seats and noticed the empty desk. I stared at the empty seat. Every other desk was happy to have their student aboard but the empty desk seemed to be forgotten. The chair looked so empty and lonely.  I imagined how it would've been if the desk was filled. I wanted the seat to be filled. I missed how it was before the break.

I looked back to the front of the room trying not to think about it. The teacher began the class by making a new seating arrangement. The desk was filled, the student forgotten, and school went on just as it had before the break.

But I will never forget that empty chair.

More Blackout

How to Hide a Hickie

For Guys:
First of all congrats! I don't know why you'd want to cover it up anyways? I'd be showing it off? Unless she's a fatty. I've heard that icing it then putting heat to it and massaging it will make the blood dissipate out of it faster but who knows if that works? Maybe try breaking into your mom's or sister's make up center and do a terrible patchy touch up job that will probably draw more attention anyways.. I'd say your best bet is to walk around and when people look at you weird, just smile and say that she was hot.

For Girls:
This is easier for you gals. Wear a scarf. But if its the middle of July and 100 degrees outside, you could try covering it up with makeup instead. Or maybe try the icing then heat then massaging that I mentioned above but who knows if that will work anyways? Last resort and probably the worst idea - say that you burned yourself with your curling iron? I don't know the best option. All I know is you need to make sure to not let your dad see the damage.

A Letter to the Inanimate

Because people mostly suck.

Thanks for being there. 

My speakers - for muffling out the sound of the living.

My pen - for doing what I want you to do. And for not being afraid to leave your mark

My netflix - for stealing my mind from life.

My bed - we have the perfect relationship. But she can be a little clingy..

My clothes - even though you don't have much sweg, thanks for hiding me

My shoes - you've got sweg. And you're good to my feet.

My alarm clock - even though I pound you with my fist 4 times each morning, I'm glad you're there.

My shower - for washing and refreshing me after a long day.

My tooth brush - there's no way I could go a day without you.

My car - I feel like I use you too much.. 

P.s. - the grill has been short-tempered lately..

 

Blackout

Here's Different

I ate two sugar cubes at 11:30pm. It was the beginning of something different.


I never understood what people meant when they said that closed-eye visualizations were powerful. But after about 2 hours, when I closed my eyes it was like they reopened and I fell backwards at an angle and saw a city, ferris wheels, lights, and stuff. 

I remember I ate a lot. The food wasn't falling into my stomach though. But either way, eventually the pit was filled.

 The room changed colors like a room lit at night by a night light. Shapes changed shape. 

I got in bed and couldn't sleep no matter what I tried. I couldn't seem to close my eyes. But I was very.. very.. tired.

Gravity seemed to be orbiting me. I couldn't tell which way I was facing. I soon didn't exist, but I was still thirsty.

It took forever, but was very fast.
Time was hiding.
Order had died.

There are a lot of mysteries that life will never solve. We shouldn't ask who put us here or why. But we should be focused on what we must do while we are here.

The Point to Life?

I can't find an answer to that question. Does religion have an everlasting meaning?

We are born into a bottomless existence. We "live" on a tiny speck of space called Earth, which is also just a speck as well in the galaxy, which is also just a speck in the infinite universe. All you can ever become is worthless bones on a puny little speck of dust called earth. Does anyone else think human beings are just limited and death is unfair? What's the point of "Heaven", "Hell" or "Brahman" or any other thought up consciousness? I've never really understood heaven. What's the point of living in heavenly existence if that is also meaningless? I think whatever the case, it is very repetitive and meaningless. 

Since life is such an unexplained mystery, how painful is it that we are alive? As I've spent time thinking about all of this, I have started to think that religions are just there to help people become more and more ignorant to the fact that we are all meaningless. 

But what if you hate atheism as much as you hate religion?

So if someone doesn't belong to any category, then whats the point of waking up every morning? When you get to that conclusion it seems like suicide is the best way to stop your brain, no responsibility, no depression, no aspirations, worries or anything else. Isn't that the perfect drug? 

It is all so vain. Every natural human desire. Love, Sex, Art, etc. People getting fatter, people getting leaner, hunks and jocks vs artsy fags and then usual joes. Movies, learning, working, writing this blog post, socializing... Why?

I wish my friend would've never asked that question during lunch that day. My brain has been overheating ever since. I could've kept living in ignorance. And then died.

Why do we have doctors, laws, police, prisons, why do our bodies fail, why do we have anything. Because our "anything" is almost like a pretend land which feels more like nothing.

This whole life could just be a dream or a thought.

Should I just conform to the regular? And just "live it up?" Would there be a point to doing that?

Life just seems very repetitive. Are religions there just to help cope with the fact that we die and rot? What is the purpose of living? To continue the life of our species? Why? What are we living for? 

My Way or the Highway

Ever since the day I was given a name to be called by and a body to rent, people have been trying to persuade me. Everyone believes their way is the right way and the only way.

But its time to make my own choices.

Time for me to decide what the right choice is. 

Time to become self-dependent.  

Time to be vulnerable to judgement.

I've started to forget about my family, friends, teachers, leaders, etc. and make choices for me.

I've started to make the choices that I like; the choices that satisfy me.

I know myself better than anyone else.

I've started to leave my fingerprint. It's different than yours.

And it feels good

"We're actors in our lives, pretendin' to be who we want people to think we are.".

I read that recently in the book "Perfect Chemistry." It made me think of this class and how we have to hide behind pen names to be able to express our true feelings. We hide behind our pen names in fear of being discovered and known. We fear other people's judgement. We fear being different, but its impossible to not be.

Ain't Nobody Messin' Wit My Clique

I've decided recently that every school has the same cliques. We all say that we shouldn't stereotype people but its easier that way. You already know a lot about someone just by what clique they're in. So here is a list of the cliques that every high school has:

Preps
Goths
Geeks
Band Geeks
Book Worms
Hicks/Rednecks
Nerds
Punks
Skaters
Drama People
Choir People
"Special People"
Indies
Gangstas/Wangstas/Wiggers
Cliques By Sport
Tomboys
Druggies/Alcoholics
Cheerleaders
Class Clowns

Do Grown Men Cry?

Grown men don't sob

Have you ever wondered why?

There in the shower

the best place to cry

From start to finish

They go all through

The red eyes they have

Are from "soap or shampoo"

You never hear them

Understand how?

The shower's noise

And music up so loud

They go until forever

Until the daybreak

The water runs cold

"That's why they shake"

That Shiny Guy

Do we know the moon?

We constantly ignore the moon. He comes out each night as we go in. We ignore him as he scans the sky. 

He's far away. Was the moon cast out? Made fun of? Why did he leave us? 

At least he's consistent. I know he'll be there when the sun decides to quit. 

He is all alone. But I know he likes us. He pulls on the ocean and gives us waves, light in darkness, and watches over us while we sleep. What do we give to the moon?

We met the moon once. We landed on his face like an annoying fly. Then we stuck a stick in his eye and claimed him as ours.

But he went along with it. 

It's Time For A Change

Lately I have been feeling like nobody can see me. I feel like the world is passing me by. I feel like no one cares.

This has only just been recently. I don't feel accepted by the people around me and I don't know why. I try to include myself with them but I always feel like I am just a burden. Now that I am seeing it more obviously I only want to remove myself further.

I think I am just lonely. I can usually spend hours alone. I haven't gotten sick of it until now. All of my friends seem to be doing fine fitting in.. What is wrong with me?

Am I really a pain to be around? Or is it just me feeling that way?

I want to fix this. I want these days to go back to how they used to be. I want to be included. People hardly come up to talk to me. It changes my day when they do.. I feel like I'm just bitching and I'm sorry to whomever reads this. It's time for a change.  

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The Moments

Remember the first day?
Things changed, no longer play.
It was canyon fires,
a contiguous contour
welded together in loves every hour
the invigorating beckon of blankets
watching your eyes succumb to sleep
your sweet face, gently sealing me in a locket
remember them and forget the aftermath
they've gone by that's why its past
relive the moments they're the things that last

Market

covered in the shadow of the day
cloudy days bring rain
cloudy days bring balance
and everybody feels pain

you don't think about breathing
unless you're drowning
here comes the flood
now you feel a heart pounding

dust lingers int he corners
have we not covered them all?
covering everywhere
this great big ball

tragedy is the quarter on the ground
I pick it up every time
a pocket sagger laughs and tosses
another to be mine

Does the prideful mans back hurt?

Does the prideful mans back hurt?
will his eyes ever fall to the ground?
is he blind in his path of travel?
for what he is, for what he could have found

is a sorrowful mans throat swelled?
could he speak and recognize his own name?
does the mirror hide his happiness?
does he long into it for something that never came?

will a lost mans feet hurt?
never walking on the right path
do they long to be going somewhere?
or are they waiting for the aftermath

does a happy mans cheeks hurt?
his refuse to hide his yellow teeth
will the smile ever stop?
or be in the coffin
when he chooses to cease?

Can't Stop Love

Lust in scarlet

Dreams often dusted

Christmas to a child

Can't compare to my beating heart

To love a rose and resist

denial drops and all will crumble

A two mirror thought

compassion in my mind

no dam holds back the water

All yell warning

and distrust

I pity confusion

Don't stop love

Space Camp

I don't want to be held back anymore.
I'm tired of others telling me that I can't do something.
They tell us that its not a good idea;
                       that it can't be done;
                 that it shouldn't be done;
                       that we won't like it.

How do we know if its not a good idea until we try it?
How do we know if it can't be done until we try it?
How do we know if it shouldn't be done until we try it?
How do we know if we won't like it until we try it?

We need to learn to trust ourselves and listen to our inner voices.
We know ourselves better than everyone else around us.

Who do you want to be?
What makes you happy?

When you find what you want to do, be the best at it.

You don't have to be liked by everyone. You don't have to make everyone happy. You don't have to follow every rule.

They will tell you it can't be done. But you have to trust yourself.

You can't be stopped by the fear of failure; the fear of being told you were wrong.

You never want to fail because you didn't work hard enough.

Stop wasting your time. Because right now someone else is ahead of you.

"You can't climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets" - Arnold Schwarzenegger

So go to Space Camp, and be the best captain they have ever seen.

I want to learn to spit lyrics

The Things That Hate Us - Atmosphere

And this is for those that still drink malt liquor
Put the poison in your body just to pass out quicker
When death calls best believe it's gonna get all emotional
Because I ain't goin' to hell without my menthols
Damn cable TV got me trapped in
Girls actin' dumb and cops beatin' black men
Overfill, overkill, tryin' to deal
Call the toll free and order my some diet pills
Got me looking at the sugar in the Kool-Aid that you made
You need to chase it down with some toothpaste
Still stuck to the simple things yep the struggle in between a couple of krispy kremes
I have to ask if you could pass that half and half to get my coffee back on track
Big ups to all the carbonated hiccups the energy drinks and the suicide big gulps
Gonna find happiness in the fast food
Supersize the triple bypass heart attack too
Distract you with these colorful tattoos to cover up the fact that we feel like bad news

We love the things that hate us
Push snooze again girl I don't want to wake up
America the beautiful that's how she played us
Wasn't that cute it must have been her make up
Trying to grab everything that she gave us
Just take it back in the math on that pay stub
Lookin' at the neighbors like wait up
We love the things that hate us

Pain killers help find some feeling
Crack the vic in half just to break the time sealant
Take it by yourself on the living room carpet
Do a little bump just to clean your apartment
? I've seen your wife she's not the true finest?
I understand why you like to pay them prostitutes
Strip clubs gun shops oh Jesus right next to the liquor store for your convenience
Everybody say ho for the cuervo
You can drive if you promise to be careful
Turn the radio up and light a doobie
And keep acting like life is like a movie
This is for those needles you share because
Those after school TV specials is too square
Cook the coke for your own consumption
? All some joe joe dems? In old school
What's your function
As American as herpes and hot dogs
Got lost between the mustard and the hot sauce
Unprotected sex with that one you just met
You ain't even got all your hep shots yet

We love the things that hate us
Push snooze again girl I don't want to wake up
America the beautiful that's how she played us
Wasn't that cute it must have been her make up
Trying to grab everything that she gave us
Just take it back in the math on that pay stub
Lookin' at the neighbors like wait up
We love the things that hate us